Girls ♥ Talk

Girls ♥ Talk

At what age is it appropriate to send my daughter to a concert on her own?

This is a tough question because there are so many circumstances surrounding it. Firstly, who is she going with? If you think the group of kids she is going with are responsible, then I think it goes along way to having a fun and enjoyable night. My concern then turns to how they are getting to and from the concert. Recently Ashlea was invited to see 5 seconds of summer with friends, She was so excited and I was too. It was to be her first real concert. When we talked about how they were getting to and from, I found out the other girls were catching public transport both ways (and this is at night). Unfortunately I was going out and was no available to help in the transportation. No way was my response. I wouldn’t catch public transport late at night without my husband or with a group of ADULTS. The concert itself may not be the issue. Find out all the details before committing. Natalie

The other day I was asked to go see one of my favourite bands in concert ( 5 Seconds of Summer) but decided not to go as I couldn’t catch public transport at night. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to see them but the dangers involved in catching the train at night are too big over people who will come back in a few months. I think that there really isn’t an age restriction, obviously don’t send your three-year old daughter out alone but once your daughter becomes a teenager, trust her to do her own thing. Take into account how responsible she has proved to be and her safety of the night/day. Ashlea

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Girls ♥ Talk

Girls ♥ Talk

My daughter is sneaking out at night and I don’t know how to confront her about it. What do I do?

First off, figure out exactly why she’s sneaking off. I don’t mean go through her phone, ask her directly, using more subtle ways of finding out the information if you need to. Secondly, you need to actually approach her. Having never snuck out before [I promise mum] I don’t actually know the best way to approach the situation but I do know if you are angry it will make things worse. Calmly explain to her your predicament and how you want her to react. Suggest to her that she should be able to ask you to be able to go out and not have to resort to sneaking out. Remind her that you are with her, not against her and try to gently persuade her to see your way. Ashlea xx

Having never snuck out myself when I was younger (I promise Mum), I can only look at this from a mothers perspective. A mother has so many fears for their children and try with all their power to keep their children safe. Sneaking out of home means the protection is no longer there and the child is at the mercy of the outside world. By explaining to your daughter your fears, your concerns, your worries, maybe she will understand the vulnerable position she puts herself into by sneaking out and not letting anyone know where she is. Tell her that if she wants to be treated like an adult (by being allowed to go out), then she needs to act like an adult at home and that begins with mutual respect. When she respects you and your rules, you as the parent can respect her needs to venture out into the world and gain some independence. Natalie xx

Girls ♥ Talk

Girls ♥ Talk

My mum doesn’t like my boyfriend? Any tips on how to make them get along?

In the end, who you want to date is ultimately your decision but obviously it is nice to have approval from your parents. Ask yourself this before you accuse her of not liking your boyfriend –  Is it my boyfriend she doesn’t like or is it the idea of me dating? If it’s the latter then you need to discuss how you both feel about dating, make sure you let her know that he is important to you. If it’s your boyfriend, then you need to talk to her about how you feel about him and help her understand that he is important. Ashlea

When children grow up and begin to date, it can be a scary time for everyone. Some parents will always believe no one is good enough for their little girl and maybe this is what your mum thinks. However, sometimes it is because the person you have chosen is not treating you in the way your parents think you should be treated. Look at the relationship from someone else’s point of view to see if you think you are being treated like girlfriend should be treated. If you think you are not being treated with respect, maybe its time to rethink the relationship. If you think you are being treated correctly, talk to Mum, tell her your concerns and why you think she is treating your boyfriend unfairly. Taking relationships slowly, so everyone can adjust to the new situation can help everyone feel at ease. Natalie 

Girls ♥ Talk

Girls ♥ Talk

My daughter is talking to someone online and I’m getting worried because I don’t know the person. What should I do?

Well first off, you need to clear up whether or not SHE knows the person she’s talking to. If she knows the person then, as long as they aren’t someone that is totally inappropriate for a teenage girl to talk to, you shouldn’t worry. Let her have her space online but if you still are not comfortable, talk to her about online safety and making sure she’s being smart. If she is talking to someone who you both know could be a danger, immediately sit her down and talk to her, (not in a condescending way) about the position she may have put herself in and how to be smarter next time. If you are really worried, contact the police. Ashlea

Very scary I know. I love Ashlea’s advice and think clear communication is the first step. We have experienced this situation with a friend and it wasn’t a nice situation. Explain to your daughter that talking to someone online they do not know is like opening the front door of your house to a stranger and letting them inside. Would she do that? I don’t think so. Make her understand that not every person online is telling the truth and she only wants to communicate with those people who will care for her needs – therefore someone she knows and likes.

I give my children freedom online ( well the older 2) but I do spot checks on their accounts. I have told them if they don’t think I will like what they have written, then maybe they shouldn’t be writing it in the first place. Stay open with communication, its essential. A great article from Modern Parent gives fantastic advice on this topic. natalie

Girls ♥ Talk

Girls ♥ Talk

My friends and I had a fight but I’m scared to tell my mum, she’ll think it was my fault. How do I approach her without her getting angry?

Okay well first off, unless you have done something wrong, don’t feel guilty at all. Everyone has fights with their friends, everyone says things in the heat of an argument they wish they could take back later, everyone makes mistakes. Don’t feel like you have to blame yourself.

When approaching your mum on an undesirable topic, they key is timing. Don’t tell her when she is surrounded by other people, nor if she’s in the middle of something else. When you know that your mum is settled enough to actually listen, ask her to go into a more private space for a talk.

When you’re talking to your mum, be calm and try and stay composed. Let her know exactly what your thinking and explain to her how your feeling. Don’t start blaming others or try to down play things. Tell her exactly how it is.  from Ashlea

I don’t know many mums who blame their children when they have been in an argument. Mum’s are human too and we love to feel like we ahem helped you in a time of need. Tell your Mum you need her undivided attention when she has a moment as you have had a rough day and need to chat. When that time arrives, tell her everything. no holding back. Tell her everything you said, everything you did and the result. Most mums are pretty aware of their children’s personality traits and can tell when the story sounds  a little one sided. 

Honesty is the best policy and Mum is there to help you, not to make life harder. Trust your mum and in return she will probably confide in you too.

cheers natalie

GIRLS TALK

This is our first EVER ‘Girls ♥ Talk’. This is where Ashlea and I will answer questions posted to us from our loyal readers. If you would like us to discuss any issues you may have, email us on mcnamaras06@bigpond.com

Girl Talk – Hi guys, I need help. I have caught my Mum reading my text messages when she thinks I am not looking. I don’t read her messages so why does she keep reading mine? unhappy 14yr old

Dear unhappy 14yr old,

Privacy is a huge must in any relationship. If you and your mum don’t respect each other’s privacy and don’t trust each other enough to keep some things private then how are you supposed to remain on good terms? If I were you I would sit your mum down and explain to her that you’re feeling as though your privacy is being invaded and that she doesn’t trust you. You’re mum will hopefully see that as long as you can talk openly about anything she won’t need to read your texts to see if you’re hiding anything.    see ya Ash

Dear unhappy 14yr old,

I agree with Ash when she says privacy is essential in any relationship. Have you given your Mum any reason to distrust you? Maybe your mum is feeling like you never share anything with her anymore and the only way she can stay in touch with you is to understand what is happening in your life by reading messages. I don’t agree with being sneaky about reading other people’s private messages and you will need to sit down with her and explain how it makes you feel. Most mums feel a little lost when their children start being independent and exclude them from their lives. Keep your mum involved in your life by telling some of the gossip so she feels like she is still important in your life.   cheers natalie

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